


The Spirit of Solitude

by katane (read2day)



Series: Alastor/Spirit of Solitude [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-06
Updated: 2014-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-11 10:10:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1171812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/read2day/pseuds/katane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shore leave, a cabin - Chakotay's point of view</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Spirit of Solitude

The blank nothingness of transport released him and he blinked at the abrupt change in light. The cabin was in darkness, with a chill in the air made more profound by the crying wind outside. Chakotay shivered momentarily then, his eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness, he picked his way across to the table set below the window.

In the twilight he found a lantern, oil-filled, and lit it with the lighter close by. The room sprang into a warmer focus, the shadows no longer chilled but softened by the flame he held. The air, however, was still cold and Chakotay hastened to the grate where ashes lingered in a small heap. Putting the lantern down on the hearth, he found the basket of logs nearby and drew kindling from it. He sighed as he realised he'd left the lighter on the table and rose, his knees protesting slightly, to fetch it.

A little later, the fire having yielded to his efforts to light it, he sat back on his heels and watched the flames dance, sparks rising in a frenzy as bark snapped with small explosions in the fire. Activity stilled for a while as the warmth crept across the room, and he gradually became aware of the growing ferocity of the storm outside as rain battered the windows and drummed on the roof above him. He glanced up involuntarily as a particularly vicious squall made its presence felt, then looked back to the fire. He released a sigh, as though he'd been holding his breath. What was she going to say? And what could he possibly answer? The thoughts chased themselves around his mind, set loose at last now that he no longer occupied himself with the minutiae of comfort.

He'd been restless for a while ... ever since Kathryn had come down to the surface. No, longer than that. Something coiled within him had been tightening, tightened by her actions, her tension. And today ... today had been almost unbearable. It wasn't a need to be with her, he was sure of that, nothing so simple. He breathed slowly, calming himself, trying to reach his centre and examine the feeling. It hadn't worked before, and he wasn't sure why he was trying now, but he chased conscious thought away and settled.

A sudden thud against the wall of the cabin jolted him back to the present. He held still for a moment, listening. The sound had been too muffled to be a branch, it was something softer. The tension within him returned, doubled, and he found himself out of the door half-running to the back of the cabin.

"Kathryn?" he called as he rounded the side, keeping tucked in against the wall, trying to shelter from the rain under the overhang. He saw her then, huddled against the wall, her back towards him rising and falling with exertion. He absently noted that she was soaking wet, then ran the last couple of metres as she suddenly bent double. Panic swept through him, adrenaline surging almost painfully, at the sight. What on earth had she been doing?

"Kathryn" he said again, more urgently, putting a hand out to her. He touched her shoulder. No response. He caught her up in his arms, picked her up and started back. "What are you doing?" he asked, his question both for himself and for her. Kathryn shifted as he walked and he broke step to keep his balance, but she settled back in his arms. He tried not to think about what he was doing, and just to do it, but her shivers drew his attention back to her with each step and fueled an anger that arose from the tension inside him, anger at her stubbornness, his indecision and inability to reach her, and her stupidity at apparently running marathons in this sort of weather. The last thought broke his anger into amusement momentarily, then she shivered and he slid back into anger.

The rain swept round the cabin and soaked them. Chakotay could feel the rivulets running over his face from his hair, then a sudden warmth on his forehead. He blinked, looking at Kathryn, and realised it was her fingers he could feel, tracing the tattoo on his forehead. The warmth spread across him as she moved her hand over his head. He forced himself to watch his footing as he walked back with her, and reached the steps. They were a little high, and he had to adjust his hold on Kathryn as he stepped up.

"Sorry" he murmured as she slipped a little in his grasp, then they were at the door. He reached down and opened it, the handle low on the door, and entered. He strode across to the sofa, and dropped Kathryn onto it a little less delicately than he might have done if he hadn't been so furious. "What are you doing?" Once again the question was for both of them. He didn't fully understand his anger, although he was aware that at least some of it was a reaction to finding her, and fear for her. She sat with her back to him, where he'd left her, and shivered again. Slowly she turned to him, and he watched her curiously blank eyes travel over him.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Where did that question come from, he wondered, his thoughts interrupted by Kathryn's voice, quieter than he'd heard before.

"You're not my mother". She sounded like a five year old, and suddenly he was fighting an urge to laugh, but sobered quickly as his gaze slipped from her face and he saw her outlined by the dress molded to her body by the rain and wind.

"I should damn well hope not" he muttered, then started towards her as she closed her eyes. "No you don't, not before I've had a chance to check you're all right. And if you protest again, I'll take you back to Voyager and the doctor." He paused, thinking through his instinctive reaction to stay here, rather than return. He didn't think she would want to return, not in this state, and something clawed at the back of his mind whispering to him not to let her return, not until ... until what? He didn't know, and her soft muttering prompted by his irritated comments distracted him. He remembered seeing a tricorder on the table and swept it up, checking her vital signs. He shifted towards the sofa, double checking the readouts that indicated she was all right, and glanced at her as she giggled. The sound, the incongruity of his captain giggling, stopped him briefly. Again, he wondered what had driven her out into this weather, where this uncharacteristic meekness had come from.

"You're healthy enough" he said finally, wondering how to frame his questions, which questions to ask, when she abruptly made it easier for him.

"Physically" was all she said, but from her actions he'd wager it was something she never meant to say. She curled away from him, and he sat down beside her. Now he began to understand. He watched her, waiting now for her. This wasn't something he could push, she'd have to let it go herself. He tried to interpret the expressions flickering across her face in the firelight, slightly distracted as he realised how damp her dress still was. He was reluctant to break the moment and suggest she change into something dry. Confusion clouded her face as he watched, then his attention was fully drawn to her as her eyes cleared and focussed properly on him. He could see indecision, then the mask of command that he knew too well descended.

The sight chilled him, the fire's warmth suddenly cold as ice, and he let out a quiet sigh. The tension inside him was almost unbearable. He watched her still, though, wondering if she'd ever let go, open herself. Or was that what she'd done outside? Was that what she'd come here for? Thoughts tumbled, questioning, until his mind went blank as the mask he knew so well fell away from her eyes, then her face. For the first time in so long, he saw Kathryn, not the captain. Her eyes were quiet, sombre, but alive with a determination that fired him. He couldn't draw his eyes from her, hope and countless other emotions surging through him. She'd deliberately let go. The tension snapped and began to dissipate.

"It's all right. I'm all right ... sort of". He almost didn't hear her, so hard was he concentrating on her. "I'll just go and change". He nodded absently, although she wasn't watching him as she rose from the sofa. She rearranged her dress and he swallowed hard as the damp fabric molded itself more closely to her as she pulled at it. For a brief moment she stood before him, so outlined against the fire by the thin fabric that she appeared naked. Then she shuddered and Chakotay was drawn back to himself, blinking. "Perhaps you should do the same", she said.

Do what? His mind flickered back to what she'd been saying, and he suddenly realised she was suggesting he change. "No spare clothes", he muttered, trying to hide the arousal in his voice as he kept his eyes on the fire, away from her.

"There's a bathrobe you can use, it's hanging on the back of the bathroom door" she said, her voice still quiet, washed away by the rain. Chakotay looked at her then, his mind leaping to a pink confection he recalled seeing her in one night, when he'd had to take a report to her quarters. He involuntarily pictured himself in the robe, and realised his reaction must have shown in his face because Kathryn laughed. The sound flooded through him, and he forced himself to listen as she explained that it wasn't hers, it had probably been left behind by someone else.

She turned and walked through into what he presumed was the bedroom, and he pulled himself together. He rose from the sofa, suddenly realising how much rain he'd caught outside as the damp fabric of his trousers caught and pulled tight over his skin. He winced as his mild erection was flattened into his groin, and moved gingerly, pulling the fabric away from his thighs. He found the bathroom, not a difficult exercise in a cabin with one main room and only two other doors besides the outside door, and shucked his wet clothes as quickly as the fabric would allow. He briskly toweled himself dry and put on the robe, white thick comfortable cotton. The storm outside had quieted, he realised, and he paused as he heard movement in the bedroom and pictured Kathryn changing. He shook his head as if to clear it and headed back into the main room with a reluctant speed.

Chakotay extinguished the lantern and the main light that he'd lit when they returned to the cabin, thinking that perhaps the darkness would make the setting calmer. He settled himself on the floor in front of the sofa and tried to relax, savouring the lack of tension and the warmth of the fire on his legs. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back. A little later he heard the bedroom door open, but didn't move. He could feel Kathryn watch him, then heard her footsteps on the wooden floor. He opened his eyes then, and turned his head to watch her, a lazy smile on his face hiding his reaction to the dark peach silk she wore, shimmering against her as she moved, softly outlining then hiding with each step.

Kathryn's eyes flickered to the lantern, and he had the feeling she'd been intending to say something. Instead she paused, and he held out a hand to her, uncertain whether she'd take it but needing to invite her closer.

Her hand closed over his, small and slightly cool in his palm, and he ducked his head to hide the smile that spread across his face at the contact. He heard her settle herself on the cushions behind him, and rubbed his thumb over her palm as a soft sigh of comfort reached him. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, unsure what 'it' might be, and afraid that he didn't want to know. But she needed to talk, that much he was certain of. He kept his gaze on the fire, not wanting her to see his insecurities at this moment. A pause that seemed to last forever followed, and the knot of tension grew again.

"Yes, I think I do". Quiet words, but ones he would have waited forever to hear. Now he looked up at her, his head resting briefly against her leg as he tipped it back. The mask was still gone, and a quiet confidence seemed to wash over her tired features. He breathed in then looked back at the fire, thinking she would talk more freely if she couldn't see his reactions. A silence fell, punctuated only by the fire and their soft breathing, then Kathryn's voice cracked and gathered strength as she began to talk.

He listened, as much to the tone as to the words, for hours, nodding occasionally. He dared not speak, not wanting to break the spell that finally had her releasing years of pain and fear. She was insistent that this was her choice, to talk, so insistent that he realised her greatest fear had been to break down and have all this spill out uncontrolled, to have no choice. He recognised the pattern of her thoughts, her speech, from his own counseling sessions whilst in StarFleet. He let her voice wrap around him much as he wrapped his hand around hers, and relaxed slowly. The longer she spoke, the less he thought her likely to suddenly stop and withdraw from him, and herself, again. The tension finally ebbed, and he gradually realised it had been hers all along, so taut that he'd taken it into himself without knowing.

The fire burnt low, and eventually he stretched slightly and forced himself up to feed it. Kathryn paused as he did so, and he looked briefly at her as he crouched in front of the fire. Her eyes were closed, and she looked relaxed, colour back in her face. He crept back quietly, and sat down again. This time, she reached for his hand as she began to talk again. Her fingers stroked his palm now, absently tracing infinity on his skin as she spoke. He willed himself still, enjoying her touch profoundly as he listened once more to her musical voice.

Eventually she went quiet, and he felt as though her fears had been voiced and examined, then tucked back away between them with the sting drawn. The fire burnt quietly now, the solidity of the wood charring now, the quicksilver energy of the bark expended. Chakotay turned around. Kathryn lay across the sofa now, her head resting on the cushions, and a soft smile on her face at last. Chakotay smiled at the sight, then rested his head against her legs as she drew their clasped hands up towards her. The silence was filled with the warmth of the fire and the peace that rested between them. He felt her eyes on him, and looked up, surprisingly uncertain.

The smile on her face reassured him, and he smiled back with relief.

"Thank you". Both voices, together, and he held her hand a little tighter.

"Did that help? You seem more relaxed." As soon as he'd spoken he wondered whether he should have said that, but her whisper reassured him.

"Yes, it did. I am." A pause. "Why did you come here?"

His turn now to pause, to examine again what he couldn't answer for himself earlier.

"I'm not sure. I felt .. I felt I needed to see you." That wasn't quite right, but it was as close as he could express.

"Perhaps I needed to see you" said Kathryn. The words suddenly broke over him, and he realised that she was closer than she knew. The compulsion he'd felt wasn't his need to see her, but a feeling that she needed him. He would have laughed at his own ego, but stopped the introspection as she continued. "I thought being alone would help ... the solitude of command usually seems easier to bear alone than in a crowd, but not this time." As her words died away into the room, Chakotay raised her hand and brushed a kiss over her knuckles, a touch to reassure her, then lifted his head, wondering whether this was more than he should have done. It had felt right though.

He felt a touch on his mouth as he raised his head from her hand. Her fingers. His eyes opened, startled, and he looked up at her. What ...? All thought vanished as her fingers moved over his lips, and he felt her finger trace the outline of his mouth. He let his eyes drift shut with the pleasure of her touch and sighed softly against her skin. Her hand drifted across his face until she curled it around his jaw, then her breath brushed over his mouth. He felt himself tense in anticipation, then shock and pleasure battled as he tasted her mouth on his. The silk soft touch of her lips. He sighed, his mouth opening under hers, and he let himself sink momentarily into the kiss.

"Please." Had he said that? He wasn't sure, surfacing through layers of awareness, as they drew apart. He watched her, looking for any indication that she regretted that touch and finding nothing but heat in her eyes, the reflection of the flames behind them and more. He felt the same heat suffusing him under her gaze.

"There's one thing I didn't mention" Kathryn said, her voice quiet but thickened a little. The sound cut through him and fanned his arousal but he waited for her to continue. "There's another ... matter ... I didn't mention. It's one I can't resolve alone, even with someone to talk to. And the resolution could be ... complicated, if peaceful." She paused again, long enough for him to wonder and hope, then continued, watching him as she spoke. "I've fallen in love with my first officer." Chakotay felt the words sink into him, closing his eyes with the force of his reaction, feeling the tears rise with emotion. One slipped free, and he felt her touch on his face, smoothing it away.

"Thank you." The relief, the pleasure, too much to count, to measure, almost too much to feel. "Thank you for telling me."

"Can we resolve this?" she asked, her hand still resting on his face. She answered her own question. "Yes."

He opened his eyes as she spoke, and leaned towards her to kiss her. She met him halfway, and this time he took her mouth, wanting and needing the soft silk of her mouth beneath his. For a long moment it was enough, then he began to taste her skin, warm from the fire with the fresh scent of the rain and something uniquely hers. His mouth moved almost of its own volition over her face, her jaw, her neck and dipped into the hollow at the base there to plant a soft kiss that lingered a little longer than the others when she gasped at his touch.

Chakotay felt her fingers in his hair, guiding his head still lower, and felt her shift under his mouth and stretch lazily. He lifted his head and moved closer to her, then returned his mouth to her skin. Following the soft pressure of her fingers he nuzzled her robe open, kissing her through the silk pyjamas she wore, then rested his head against her for a moment as he listened to her heartbeat. A solid rhythm that found its echo in his, both accelerating slowly but surely.

A whisper through the still room. "Chakotay". His name, he thought distractedly, as it pulled sharply at his arousal. Somehow she managed to say his name in a way no-one else ever did. Ever could. He blindly nuzzled the robe further aside and found her breast with his mouth, then her nipple, and closed his mouth over it. Damp silk under his tongue, and a hard nub. He felt a fierce pleasure at her reaction to him and reached out to flick his tongue over it. Her gasp fired him further and he closed his lips over her, tugging gently, as he felt her hand clench in her hair. She moved restlessly under him and he smiled against her.

He drew back slightly, wanting to see her face, wanting to slow things down just a bit. Arousal was taut in her face, and he restrained the somewhat primal urge to cover her as he took both her hands and held them until Kathryn opened her eyes. The smile she gave him made him shudder with longing, crooked as it was with her lower lip tugged between her small white teeth. She let her hands fall from his and for a moment he felt abandoned. The feeling vanished as she slid her hands into the opening of his robe and pushed it back from his shoulders. The air, cool on his chest and warm on his back, brushed over him. Her fingers followed, tracing the path of the robe as it fell to his waist. Chakotay sucked in a breath at her long-awaited touch, but letting her set the pace, letting her explore. Her small hands smoothed over him, her skin pale against his. The contrast fired him, testing his resolve, as did her unerring ability to find those points which stoked him further. Her fingers lingered at the base of his neck, smoothed over his navel, dipping slightly, and he felt as though she trailed fire over him.

Her hands dipped lower still, to his waist, and he felt his breath shortening. If this wasn't going to be over very soon ... he took her hands and stopped their wandering, holding them both in his. He raised his other hand to her robe, untied it and slid it open. The silk whispered over the pyjamas she wore under it, pulled the top tight across her budded nipples and suddenly Chakotay couldn't resist the need to touch her. He slid his hand under her pyjama top, and smoothed his fingers over her stomach. The material bunched on his wrist as he moved his hand higher, delighting in the softness of her skin under his hand. The back of his hand brushed her breast and he drew in a sharp breath, cupping her, rubbing his thumb gently over the nipple. Kathryn had been still during his exploration, as he had for hers, but now she gasped and arched into his touch, pushing herself into his palm. Chakotay looked at her, her face gold in the firelight and fell in love again, deeper. He leant over and kissed her, his palm slowly moving over her breast, molding the weight and warmth of her.

"Sit up" he whispered. Kathryn did, her eyes still closed. He let her hands go, and slipped the robe from her shoulders, regretfully lowering his hand from her breast. The robe fell back in a pool of silk behind her, the shadows from the fire playing over it where it caught the light. He stopped and gazed at her for a moment, delight and disbelief still warring with his absolute arousal, then reached under her top again. He felt her hold her breath as he took the waistband of her pyjama trousers and tugged them down, letting the back of his fingers trail against her, needing to touch her skin again. He pulled the silk from her legs and let it fall to one side, then knelt back. Kathryn opened her eyes, meeting his. He felt himself drowning in the arousal he saw there, finally freeing his disbelief. The picture was one he wanted to carry in his memory forever. Her hair was a little mussed and she sat in front of him, her hands behind her as she propped herself up. Her top draped over her, following her contours, and her legs glowed in the firelight. For a moment, Chakotay forgot how to breathe.

"You're beautiful". He watched a soft blush cover her face, delighted by the sight, deepening as she watched him. She looked ... alight, as though she was more alive than ever. "I love you". Finally, he could say the words that had been bottled up inside for so many years. For a moment he wondered whether he should have said it earlier, when she told him - he felt something leap inside him at his recollection of her words - but then she leant towards him and he stopped wondering as he enfolded her in his arms. Her arms slipped around his waist and he let himself drift in the pure pleasure of holding her and being held by her. He murmured his love again into her ear, nuzzled her hair and the delicate skin behind her ears, listening to her answering murmurs.

A little later he felt her hands smooth over his back, then come forward to fumble at the tie. The back of one hand brushed over his erection and he had to hold back the urge to thrust against her. Again she brushed him, and this time he stopped her hands. She looked at him a little quizzically, and he realised she had no idea. The robe was thick, and the touch had been very light.

"How much do you want me to embarrass myself?" he whispered to her as he untied the knot. Kathryn looked up with a quick, warm, smile at his words, then unfolded the robe from around him. He smiled to himself as she hid her face in his chest as she pushed the fabric away. Her hands were on his thighs, and he folded his arms around her again, in reassurance. He felt a soft kiss on his shoulder as she slowly began to explore the skin on his thighs, and felt her touch brush through the hair there. Her hand moved upwards and he tensed with her intent.

Kathryn's hand closed around him, finally, and his control broke as he shuddered against her, thrusting briefly into her grasp. He felt her laugh, and thought she spoke as she began to trace over the tip. He had no idea what she said, all thought and feeling concentrated on a small area of skin under her hand, but made some indistinct reply as he pulled her closer to him. He sucked in a deep breath and fought for some control. He found it, with an effort and, breathing deliberately, slid Kathryn closer to the edge of the sofa, closer to him. Her feet slid either side of his knees, and he let his hands drop to them, caressing them lightly as he let her touch on his erection register again for a moment. He looked up at her, watching her absorption in her touch. A moment later, just before he lost control again, she looked at him. He held her gaze, willing her to look at him, and slid his hands slowly, carefully, over her fire-warmed skin, his thumbs dipping against her inner thighs. Her hand had stopped its caresses, and he felt a mixture of disappointment and gratitude as he turned his full attention to her.

Chakotay's fingers slipped under the top and brushed curls and warm damp skin. He suddenly realised she wore nothing under the pyjamas and felt himself surge briefly against her hold. His fingers moved slowly, exploring the heat, and he could feel her tension as she shifted against his fingers. He brushed his thumb against the nub he found, swollen and hidden in the curls, outlining it as he felt her reaction. For a moment or two more he explored her, learning where she reacted most to his touch, sliding a finger slowly into her. The taut muscles clenching his finger made him catch his breath, and he smiled to himself as she abruptly let him go and pulled the top over her head. He watched the hem rise, revealing her and shuddered briefly as she dropped the silk aside. She rocked against him once, then twice, as he brushed his fingers through her damp warmth before reaching to pull her close.

He felt her against him, skin meeting skin for the first time and trembled. With some detachment he noticed his erection thrusting gently against her stomach. The lack of control he had amused him briefly until Kathryn settled fully against him, opening herself to pull his thighs between hers. They held each other and he savoured the feeling for a moment before taking her face in his hands and kissing her. He didn't quite trust himself not to accelerate things too fast, so he tempered his kisses to small touches along her lips until he'd regained a measure of relative calm, then lowered his mouth fully over hers.

He felt her breath mingle with his in a soft sigh, and he sucked gently on her tongue. She rocked against him, her stomach rubbing his erection, and he pushed a thigh against her as he felt his control slip further. Their tongues echoed the thrusts of their bodies for a few moments until Chakotay could bear the sensation no more. This time was for Kathryn, not him, or at least not principally him, and he needed to concentrate on her. He felt her rub a little more forcefully against him as her tongue slipped past his into his mouth. The taste of her was too much, and he pulled her hard against him. His head dropped back and he shuddered at the feel of her pressed against him, then moaned softly as he felt a kiss on his neck.

He stood, wanting somewhere more comfortable than the edge of the sofa for her when they made love, and picked her up. The bedroom seemed a long way away, and cold, then he caught sight of the rug in front of the fire. It was thick enough to take the edge off the hardness of the floor, and he knelt down, lowering Kathryn to it. He sat back on his heels for a moment, content to watch her lie in the firelight, the shadows falling across her mesmerising as his touch remembered her.

Chakotay could have sat for hours, simply watching her, but Kathryn raised herself up and let her hand drift over his erection again. He gritted his teeth as he felt her explore him, unable to move without pouncing on her. He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself, to move slowly, and mercifully she removed her hand. Then his mind exploded as he felt her mouth on him, licking the tip of his erection. The room receded and his consciousness narrowed again to one point and her touch. His hands moved involuntarily to her, tangling in her hair and holding her to him for a moment as he felt her mouth sliding over him, her teeth grazing him gently. He pushed back with an effort that he found, the gods knew where, and let go the breath he'd been holding once her mouth left him.

"Come here". Her voice was low and quiet, an invitation that he never thought to ignore, and he lay beside her, not quite touching. She turned to face him, and he raised his hand to touch her shoulder, warm from the fire. Her skin was so soft ... he ran his hand slowly down over her side to her hip then couldn't resist the temptation of the shadows between her legs. He let his fingers slide once more through the curls, exploring single-mindedly until he found Kathryn's mouth on his, her lips moving on his with an increasing pressure. He slid a finger, then two, into her slowly, then sinking beyond his knuckles as she rocked sharply against him. Her hand came up and he felt her pull him closer into the kiss as she echoed the thrust of his fingers with her tongue. He lost himself in her all over again.

Maybe he would have been content to stay forever like that, pleasuring her, but Kathryn obviously had other ideas. He felt her leg slide over his, opening her further to him, pushing against him with each thrust of his fingers into her. Half-regretfully he slid from her warmth, still lost in their kiss, and shuddered as Kathryn immediately shifted against him, moving herself until his erection slipped from its enclosure between them and nestled against her. Now Chakotay pulled her harder into the kiss, a bruising pressure that would show later, but which he needed now. She didn't protest. He felt himself brushing against her wetness, all sensation again narrowing, and abruptly moved, rolling Kathryn under him as he kissed her.

His mind overcame instinct just long enough for him to draw back from the kiss and look at Kathryn. Years of holding back made him want to ensure she wanted this as much as he did. He found her looking at him, a fire in her eyes that redoubled his desire to bury himself in her, mixed with a love he'd longed to see. She rocked against him, settling him firmly against her, and he groaned quietly as he fought to prolong this. She stilled and he began to lower himself against her. He pushed gently, found the right place, and slowly slid into her warmth. Again he lost consciousness of the room, the fire, everything but Kathryn. He could feel her contracting muscles pulling him into her and used that to slow himself, pushing against her, into her, aware that he was stretching her and trying desperately not to hurt her. Gods, she was so tight. He bent to kiss her again, to reassure her as he watched emotion after emotion chase across her face, a soft openmouthed kiss as he breathed with the effort of control.

At last he sank fully into her, letting himself drop against her lightly, feeling her skin against his, her nipples pebbled lightly against his chest. He watched her, her eyes dilated by the dim light and him, and felt himself swell a little more with the knowledge that he was able to do this to her. They lay still, Chakotay not daring to move until he knew he could do so without immediately climaxing, until Kathryn began to clench around him again with an interrupted rhythm that became a smooth thrusting up towards him. Chakotay couldn't hold back any more, and raised himself up to give them both room to move. He took the rhythm she set and began to move with shallow strokes, still holding back, waiting for her to reach the point he'd been holding himself at. He bent his head to kiss her again, hard and quick, as her soft cries and relentless shifting under him stretched and snapped his control completely, taking the lingering remains of his earlier tension with it in the explosion. He felt himself lengthen still more inside her, losing his rhythm in a fire of deep strokes that sent him spilling into her as he heard his name gasped under him as Kathryn clenched around him.

Her name on his lips like a benediction, he felt as though he could live forever as they lay in the warmth of the fire. It sparked and cracked a little as a log shifted, and he felt Kathryn's kiss on his forehead as he lay against her, still inside her. He lifted his head to meet her kiss, now and forever.

 

"Favour my solemn song, for I have loved  
Thee ever, and thee only; I have watched  
Thy shadow, and the darkness of thy steps,  
And my heart ever gazes on the depths  
Of thy deep mysteries. I have made my bed  
In charnels and on coffins, where black death  
Keeps record of the trophies won from thee,  
Hoping to still these obstinate questionings  
Of thee and thine, by forcing some lone ghost  
Thy messenger, to render up the tale  
Of what we are. In lone and silent hours,  
When night makes a weird sound of its own stillness,  
Like an inspired and desperate alchymist  
Stalking his very life on some dark hope,  
Have I mixed awful talk and asking looks  
With my most innocent love, until strange tears  
Uniting with those breathless kiss, made  
Such magic as compels the charmèd night  
To render up thy charge ..."  
Percy Bysse Shelley (1792-1822)


End file.
